Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
