i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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