I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
