I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
