i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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