She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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