remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
