wakey wakey hands off snakey
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Can I color on your dick again?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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