she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
