I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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