You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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