Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
