I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
