We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
