I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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