there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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