It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
