alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
