You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
