What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
