Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
accomplished twins. life is a go
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
