my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
