I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
