A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
