Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
