He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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