i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just invented taco cereal.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can you bring me the toilet please
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
