He uses pillows to masturbate.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
