After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
