Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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