You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
