Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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