wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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