Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
