***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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