Betty ford says i'm here all night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
