she pinky promised me she was 18
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
