Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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