just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
