I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
