dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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