Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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