We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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