Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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