...so i touched it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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