AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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