She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
