Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
