Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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