you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
