I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
zippers are such a cool invention
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
