Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
