All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
