I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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