you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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