Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
