just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
