you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
