I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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