i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
