I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize