I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
