Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
