He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's rum buckets o'clock
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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