Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
